Alarm Clock Dude

I got on this new dating site called Plenty of Fish. Several guys responded to my ad. A majority of them are either Mexican or African American. I am not prejudice, but I prefer white guys. So, this one responded and he seemed really nice through e-mail. Then, we talked and texted and still seemed ok. We met at PF Changs at Perimeter. I think after all I have been through, I just go with the flow. I don’t really get nervous about dates anymore. So, I walked up and he was on the phone. He waved and held his finger up like just a minute. That is fine; it was more like 5 minutes. I was like WTF…. Don’t leave me hanging. My first impressions are ehh, not bad, but not my type. No wanting to jump on him or anything…. Lol He didn’t even have cologne on. That was a disappointment.

So, we go on to order and having an ok conversation. He works at an airport in Gwinnett County and is training to fly (or be an airplane mechanic) so he is very detailed and just had a blah personality. When they brought out the food, he had a fit about the plates being square or octagon…. Lol

I was like~come on now. I said you have never seen any plates that are shaped out of the ordinary?? Nope. I think he got sweet and sour shrimp and they brought the shrimp out on one dish and the rice in another. He just piled them on the dish they brought to combine and eat off of. I was so embarrassed. They were clinging and clanking…. At least we were outside. I haven’t told many people this because this topped the cake. He was coughing and let one slip out. OMG~I had to turn my head because the smell was freakin fierce. After that he burps and doesn’t say excuse me or anything. I was in pure disbelief…..

We get done and he pays the bill. It is getting late and I say I have to go. I give him a quick hug and say peace out!! So, the next morning as I am doing my hair~I hear my phone go off and I have a different tone for a text message or a picture~so I know it is a picture and know it is from him. Well I go check it and it is a picture of his alarm clock that says 5:32am. Just thinking of you!! Ok, WTF!! I was like come on~I guess it is nice that he was thinking of me, but why send me a picture of his alarm clock??? Did his alarm clock go off and he turned over, got his phone and was like she is going to love this???? Eeehhh……

So, after that I just couldn’t talk much to him anymore. Oh and I forgot he called me Jen….. No one calls me anything but Jennifer except my close friends and family. That just really irks me….. So, he keeps sending me pictures of himself smiling or holding up signs. Just couldn’t even get into this. He finally got the hint after I cancelled on him a couple of times and I deleted him off my MySpace page. Adios to the alarm clock dude!!

P.S. The pic is one of those random ones he sent me. He has a mullet wig that he probably wears to the club or something thinking he looks hot! Not-lol

My boi!

My friend Angela's hubby had a work buddy that he thought would be really good to fix me up with. His name was Patrick. Of course, I started calling him Patty. Peppermint Patty...



Jody texted me a picture of him and he was nice looking. I remember getting the picture when I was at the Justin Timberlake concert. lol We talked for about a week and he was just kind of hard to talk to. It was kind of like pulling teeth. He has a son whom he talked about alot. The thing that got me though is he called him~~ "His boi" Kind of like Big Boi from Outkast. He was very country... I can see him eating fried chicken and collard greens. lol



No, really~he is a printer. So, is my dad so I knew that he was probably a good guy. He didn't do much, so Angela ensured me he would shower me with gifts. haha! The Wednesday before we were supposed to go out, he called acting all big and bad. "Where do you want to go to eat?" I had already told him my favorites. He has never been to Outback or Olive Garden. Those places are expensive. Then he said "Does Red Lobster take reservations?" I was like no, they don't. I was in disbelief big time. I mean, I am very cultured. Go to eat at alot of different places and Red Lobster taking reservations. umm, no....



Angela and Jody were going to make it a double date so it wouldn’t be weird. So, I was talking to Patty about that and he was like nah, I don’t want them to be there, so if it’s like a train wreck~I can just get up and walk out. This was the last draw. I was like what do you mean. He goes to explain, well you know how you slow down to look at car wrecks~like at Nascar…. Yes, well I want to be alone and be able to leave quickly if it doesn’t turn out like I want it to. Ok, whatever. That really really bugged me, so I ended up leaving this long message, telling him I didn’t feel right about the train wreck comment and peace out. I remember telling lots of people about this one. I even told my Dad and he was like leave that MF alone. Lol

So, this was back in March because I remember we were supposed to go out on St. Patrick's Day~Peppermint Patty. I ended up at Park Tavern dancing my buns off with the Blue Jay instead. Glad I didn’t go to Red Lobster, had a much better time.

Then, Angela talked me into trying it one more time. We start conversing again in November. So, the plan was to meet at the Bowling Alley on a Saturday afternoon since he was going to have “his boi” with him. We meet and the bowling alley is having some kind of function, so he just is staring at me~What do you want to do?? I say “lets just go to the mall”. We go to the mall and eat at the food court. He gets Great Wraps and I get Chick-fil-A. His “boi” also gets Chick-fil-a that I pay for. So, not only do I have to buy my own food which isn’t a big deal~but I have to pay for his also. Can you say Rude???

We eat, go play some games and walk around. His son has a cold, so he is tired and ready to go. We walk to our cars and he kisses me very forwardly in front of his “boi” which I was uncomfortable with. One thing is to kiss, but not in front of your kid on the first date. Maybe I am old fashion, but I have standards…. Lol

So, I hear from Angela that Patty is talking about our date. Jody is giving Patty hell for not paying for my meal at the mall. Also, for not taking me somewhere a little nicer for lunch. Lol He is probably hating life right now. It wasn’t a total bad date, but we just weren’t a match… Train Wreck in Red Lobster has to go~ has to go!!

Little One

Being so busy with my friends and family, I kind of slacked off of the personals for a bit. This guy, little one messaged me on yahoo and so we started IMing. He seemed cool. He was a diabetic, so I felt like we might have a connection after all I have been through with my transplant and being a diabetic for so long. After about chatting for 2 weeks, we finally meet. We met at Chili's and he seemed really cool. We laughed and didn't have long pauses in our conversation. So, we hug a couple of times. Oh and by the way.. he smelled really good. We left each other and within 15 minutes~he texts me that he wants to hang out later, that he really like me and etc. I was like to soon to text already. I think I like the chase or something.



Anyway, it was Easter weekend and I was booked so I didn't stress, told him I got things to do....



We text and talk and I just didn't like him enough to put any effort into it. So, after him almost begging to go out again~I agree. We go to O'Charley's and sit at the bar. I don't care to sit at the bar, I find it more comfortable to sit at a table or booth. We sat at the bar last time too for lunch. That was a first. lol



So, we sat there for like 2-3 hours drinking and somewhat talking. We go outside to leave and I notice he throws his gum out. So, I get prepared for a kiss. He starts coming closer and getting this really serious look. I bust out laughing he just looks like he is concentrating so hard. He was like, so you think I'm funny. No, I say and blame it on the 5 drinks I had.

So, we kiss for a while in the parking lot propped up against my car. When we stop, I seriously have to wipe my chin off from all his salivia. He is an awful kisser. At one time, he licks my nose. What the hell?? lol Anyway, I leave the restaurant with his smelly spit still lingering on my chin.. yuck.

So, he still is texting me wanting to hook up. I have a couple of musts for a guy. 1) good kisser 2) smell good 3) respectful

I just don't care for him enough, but don't want to be mean. He never asks "How are you doing" or "What are you doing" It has always been all about him. Not that I am all about myself, but come on~I want you to learn about me to if it is supposed to go anywhere.

Recently, he started texting about a booty call. I mean I know I have cobwebs, but I just can't bring myself to sleep with him just because. 10 years ago, I probably wouldn't have even had to think twice. But, I just can't do it now. Been through way too much and my body isn't a wonderland like it used to be if you know what I mean... lol

So, he ended up sending a picture of his private probably about a month ago. I didn't really examine it. I did have to text him... "is it hard or soft?" Of course he said "Soft" so I went along on my merry day.

I had a work event and then went to a friend's birthday party and low and behold~here comes another picture. WTF?? I am sitting by Amanda and show it to her. She responds back to him~~What the hell is that? It is so little, like smaller than my thumb and I have huge fingers. The picture becomes a joke at the party..... No one can believe it is really that small... He has to know, right. Amanda has told about everyone at work I think. Oh well, such is my dating life... One day, my prince charming will come....

So, the little one still texts and wants me to "cum" over as he puts it. Gross!!

Sonny

After my LDS episode, I kept trucking on the personals. I found this really sweet and funny guy. We IMd a good bit before we talked and then as soon as I gave him my number, he called. We talked for 3 hours straight the first night. We had the best conversation. We set up a date for Valentines night. I had some reservations on meeting a guy for the first time on Valentines Day. It just seemed like he just wanted a date or something.

We kept talking and I enjoyed talking with him so much. I ended up having to leave for Dallas, TX for my nieces cheering competition so I was in the Atlanta Airport Valentines night. I was kind of disappointed, but it all worked out.

We kept IMing, but nothing ever came about. He ended up moving to Dalton... We still talk.

We will call him LDS

I am on several different dating website. Match.com, Christianmingle.com, yahoo personals and I had only met one person so far off of Match.com and that one didn't work out. So, I was browsing through personal ads on Match.com and came across this really good profile. Or at least so I thought.

His name was Shane, his pictures were cute and his profile made me laugh and smile. So, I thought let me wink at him (online lingo). I winked and he winked back. Then he sent me three different messages, but I wasn't a member so I had to wait to get paid to join. So, I was excited to get home that day and join. Well...... I read his messages and the first one was like..

"I am so excited to see you are LDS also." I was like "oh crap", what did I do. So, I look and notice that I had chosen Christian-other-LDS as my religion. A big oops. One of my dear coworkers is Mormon and there is nothing wrong with it, but I want it known I am baptist.

So, I go on and read all of his messages and he seems really cool still. So, I respond and the first thing I did was clear the air that I am baptist, not LDS.

So, we e-mail back and forth for about a week and then start texting back and forth. He tells me he got a new phone so he can text faster. OMG...

So, after e-mail and texting for a while. I finally say, give me a call.

He calls me on a Sunday. We talk for about an hour about everything. Religion, marriage, interests and etc. He asks if I smoke, drink and etc. I told him I am addicted to sweet tea and he thought that was so awful. I know Linda had said that Mormons don't drink caffeine or watch rated R movies. But, he was practically condemning me for drinking sweet tea. I was like you better watch out. I love my tea. lol After we hung up, I just didn't feel it was a good conversation. I talked to Amanda the next morning and told her about it. He just didn't seem to have a personality. His voice didn't change with laughter or anything. It was just the same ho hum... Amanda told me to ask him to describe his personality. So, I was like that might be a good one.

So, he calls on Monday and the same ho hmmm... Nothing new. I forgot to ask him the question.

Tuesday he calls and I am on the way home, he sounds a little peppy this time. He says "I have some questions for you" and I was like oh I do to. So, I asked him what kind of personality he has and he answers.
"Well I like to rhyme things with fruits and vegetables." I seriously about ran off the freakin road. I mean come on.... So, I was done with my Q & A. He then asks me several questions..
1) Do you watch American Idol? I used to
2) Do you play board games? I haven't in a very long time, but not opposed to it.
3) Did you sleep with your ex-husband? I said what do you mean. He said in the same bed. Well, umm yeah! So, he said when I was married~I liked to lay face to face with her and when she would turn over~I found that to be insensitive. When you are in bed, that is time to bond. WTF... I said when I am asleep, I am asleep. You better not bother me. lol

So, after that I was like come on.... I thought of another question, so I texted him. Do you wear cologne? His answer was yes. I asked what kind? He said usually the generic kind. OMG for real this time. I couldn't believe it. I laughed my butt off.

I got to work the next morning and got this e-mail from him rhyming my name. He called me Jen which I can't stand. Especially those who don't know me. He went on that he gets his generic cologne at Fred's Discount Store, but his mom does get him real cologne for Christmas. Come on dude, tell a fib and say you wear old spice or Axe or something. Don't say, you wear imposter cologne.

So, I laid off for a while after that. We went talked the first time~we kind of set up a date for Saturday. After the sleeping and cologne, I just didn't feel it. So, of course I cancelled.

He called me on Friday night and I was taking my meds for the night. So, I said I am sorry for gulping in your ear, I am swallowing my medicine. He said oh, I am on medicine too. I said really, what for? He said I am on psychotic medicine, have been for 11 years. I am on Medicaid and can't make over $22, 000 a year or I lose all my benefits. He went on to tell me his ex-wife weighed over 400 pounds and his ex-mother in law weighed half a ton. I was like oh damn. I told him my sleeping meds were kicking in. Gotta go.

So, he texted me on Saturday and Sunday and I didn't respond. I just couldn't do it anymore. On Monday, I sent him an e-mail and said sorry, but we just don't mesh. Thank goodness~he didn't call, text or e-mail anymore.

Even though, it didn't work out~I have told lots of my friends and we all have laughed. It was just all wrong from the beginning.

So, no LDS for me.

Purpose

Hi friends,

Since I have been divorced for almost 2 years, I have tried online dating and to much dismay~it isn't working out too good. After my last date, one of my best friends suggested that I write a book, so I thought~let me start a blog. So, I will go back on some of my good and bad times. Sharing my experience will hopefully make others laugh... I look forward to the day that I can meet my prince charming and hope that will be soon as the clock is ticking...